the photography of brian boyko: March 2010

Moturiki Island

From Moturiki Island

An epiphany.

In 2004, when I first decided to go to New Zealand, I was crushed, emotionally.

Everything I had ever held dear about America (and growing up in my family, patriotism was important) was killed the night Kerry lost. And then after that, 2004, 2005, and 2006 were very, very hard years for me. I was underemployed or unemployed, I was poor as crap, I was, quite frankly, in a really bad place financially. I didn’t have health insurance so I couldn’t be treated for my depression or anxiety.

It was a really, really bad time in my life.

And I think I created my own religion.

Belief in an afterlife helps people get through the tough times. It's easy to persevere through the worst, if you believe the future will be more pleasant. This is why belief in Heaven (and the corresponding Jesus/God stuff) is highest in the poorest communities and poorest nations.

But I could never believe in an afterlife.

So what I did was I created my own “afterlife.” – a paradise here on Earth, not after I died, but “in the future” nonetheless. What did it matter, if the government was corrupt, if I couldn’t find a job, if I couldn’t be treated for my depression – if I knew that in the future these concerns would be behind me.

So, I created an idealized New Zealand. A place I would be in the future, so the suffering I was going through at the time wouldn't matter so much in the long run.

And if I were to offer the reality of New Zealand to my 2005-2006 self, he would have taken it, and he’d probably have loved it. He would have felt better because he’d be able to get medication for his depression and anxiety, because he’d afford it because he’d be making $35k/yr – compared to $0k/yr.

But the Brian of 2005-2006 never got that offer. By the time 2010 rolled around, I was no longer suffering. Hell, I was on medication, I was having fun with great friends, I was making enough money to be in the upper-middle-class, at a job I absolutely loved. I even had a government that was *finally* going in the right direction.

New Zealand, in other words, is the solution to a problem that I no longer had.

Again, I’ll never regret trying. If I hadn’t gone, I’ll always wonder what would have happened. And there’s wisdom in disillusionment. But if I could hit the undo button? I’d do it.

‘Comin home. (At least temporarily)

I’ve decided to move down to Wellington for a few weeks in on Easter weekend, with perhaps a jaunt to the South Island for a week or so. Then I’m going to fly back to Austin in late April, early May, see what happens.

Ideally, I can start up my telecommuting contractor thing and a couple of weeks after coming back to Austin, I’ll find a new destination, the road being my home.

The backup plan, if nomadic telecommuting doesn’t work out, is finding a full-time job, which isn’t that bad.

Now, I just have to find a place to stay for a month in Wellington, a place to stay in Austin, a way to sell my car in New Zealand, a way to buy a car in Austin… and start a business while doing so.

So… um… did I miss anything?

Tauranga Harbour Video (1080p)

Tauranga Lights & Harbour

From Tauranga Lights-Harbour

Rotorua and Te Puke

From Rotorua

My friend Kelly, on the way back from Rotorua, at the
Kiwi 360 sign in Te Puke. (pronounced “te puckey”)

From Rotorua

It might just be…

In a few weeks, maybe sooner, TD will launch. And it’ll be busy for a few months after that. But after that we’ll be entering into a sort of “maintenance mode” when it comes to social media – where I’m not needed 40 hours a week.

Which puts me in a bit of a crisis/opportunity.

The crisis bit: In maintenance mode, it frees me up to take on other projects and I can cut back my hours to about 20 a week – maybe less – for Template Digital. In this mode, I can work as an consultant and freelancer. The problem is that I cannot stay in New Zealand on my current visa – I would have to change it to a visitor’s visa and then leave the country when that expires, 60 days from the changeover.

Here’s the upside. Maintenance mode is 100% telecommuting mode. Meaning that I can do it from Austin… or from Tokyo, Buenos Aires, Sydney, Amsterdam, New York, San Francisco, Los Angeles, Brussels, Berlin, Paris, London, Edinburgh, Barcelona, Montreal, Santiago, Seoul… and come back to Austin or Wellington or Williamsburg whenever I want or need a breather.

It means giving up the idea of living in New Zealand for the rest of my life. The tradeoff is that I could live wherever the hell I want at any time for the rest of my life.

It means I will be working for myself; with all the advantages that implies – something I’ve wanted to do since that big unemployment stretch in 2006. I’m out of debt so this is a *really* good time to take on that risk. I’d have some sort of guaranteed income coming from TD, I might have some income coming from NetQoS, and my friend Josh is starting his own PR consultancy and might throw me some stuff for companies that need social media stuff written.

My entire possessions, with the exception of my car, fit into a single flight’s airport luggage. I have an accomplished resume and starting my own consultancy would make that resume even more impressive, even if it fails, I’m pretty certain I could find another job somewhere.

The more I think about this, the more I think it could work out. It is unbelievably risky, so much so than simply relocating to New Zealand. But I think it might be worth the risk.

What do you guys think?

Game, Set, Match

Yesterday, I did the Hydroslide at Baywave.

I have officially done all there is to do in Tauranga.

A moment of weakness

I wanted to go home.

This Thursday, I was unhappy at work because I felt like we weren’t getting anywhere or accomplishing anything. I was unhappy with the time outside of work because Tauranga’s a hard place to make friends and there’s very little to do – and I’ve pretty much done it all.

I didn’t fit in here.

And that Thursday, wallowing in my self-pity, I got two e-mails. One was a reminder that Chris Trew (one of my best friends in Austin) was having a birthday coming up – and the reminder was sent from Tami Nelson (the other one of my best friends in Austin).

At the same time, I got an e-mail from the recruiter for my old company, NetQoS, who asked me if I could recommend anyone for the position – they hadn’t filled it after two months.

I was sorely tempted, and at one point, I decided that I should go. However, friends and family helped convince me that I’ve come this far – and it should take more thought.

I’m glad they did. Friday, we finally launched one of the two blogs and everything seems to be working perfectly. http://blog.braincell.co.nz/ has started up, and I’ll be posting there on things that are of relevance to graphics media buyers and other creative project clients. This means, I’ve finally got something to show for my efforts.

Additionally, I explained that I was unhappy with Tauranga to my boss, and she agreed that we could start telecommuting sooner, rather than later. I’m moving down to Wellington the week after next; a town with a lot more to do and many more people like me.

It also worked out for her as she had just hired the new Web developer, Kyle, and we were running out of office space and parking space…

So I’ll be living and working most of the time in Wellington – probably working at an Internet cafe because the last thing I want is to get isolated, which telecommuting can do – and be driving up maybe one week out of six or so to collaborate with everyone in the company in Tauranga.

I still miss my Austin friends terribly, though. That’ll never go away.

Mainly the problem with Tauranga is that the things that really help deal with homesickness are hanging out with friends and doing things – the two things that were extremely difficult in Tauranga.

And so I had my moment of weakness. And I’m soldiering forward.

The Bay of Boredom

Friday night, I headed down with Kelly and Melanie to Rotorua – as a bar there, “Shampers” came up as the closest local gay bar to my current location. Again – not that I’m “easy” but it’s just something *different* to do at night.

But I headed down there and found that it was closed. Not just closed, but closed up. Which means the closest gay bars are officially in Auckland, two and a half hours away. We tried to make the best of it, but after hours in Rotorua is exactly the same as after hours in Tauranga. Maybe fewer people, even. So much for “Rotovegas” I’ve been hearing about.

Today was much the same, I got a kink in my back, so that ruled out going to the beach (I’ll go tomorrow if my back gets better – and I think it will). Kelly and I tried to fly kites in Memorial park, but it just wasn’t windy enough. We did some playing around on the playground though.

But mostly, weekends and evenings in Tauranga are boring as sin, and there’s not much I can do about that until I make some friends, and that means finding some sort of group I can join. Which is just hard. This isn’t where I need to be. I’ll power through, of course, but I really hope my project for work is a success, so I can have the option of moving to Wellington. Or who knows – I might move to Wellington for the summer months and back to Austin for Northern Hemisphere summer – kicking seasonal depression right in the butt.

Pants!

I have been swimming almost daily, I’ve been walking a lot more, I’ve been eating less takeout and been cooking my own food, getting my 5+ fruits & veg a day, and I’m proud to say that I can fit into size 42 pants that didn’t fit me when I left for New Zealand.

From the photography of brian boyko

HDR

I’m coming back to Austin